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double down.

I have been thinking repeatedly that I am leading a double life.  That the professional/church-going/mother-of-two me is completely separate (and MUST be completely separate) from the personal/trash-talking/hottie-wife-and-girlfriend-of-Bruce-Willis me.  I solidified this theory after I recently reordered checks.  Needing a change, I personalized a design and came up with this:

Yes, I deleted my name, address, and account number to keep all the haters guessing.  Anyways, after deleting all my personal stuff, I looked at what I ordered and started laughing at myself.  People could still guess these are MY checks, just because of what they look like.

Take a good look at these checks I ordered.  Here is the proof, in black and white (and purple), that I will never be able to separate the two me’s.
  1. Overly proud and vain.  I love my name so much, I want my last name in a large initial on the very top of my check.  I want people to see this check coming and know who its from.
  2. Love my Jesus.  I think that is obvious here.  I got the Jesus fish blaring dead center.  I especially love the scriptures at the top (one for each of the four colors in the set).
  3. The giveaway.  Then there’s the red flag that sets my checks apart from all others.  There, in the signature line: “Livin’ Large and Takin’ Charge.”  One of my favorite sayings -- because it embodies who I am and how I live -- “Livin’ Large.”  
Yup.  That's me.  Bragging on how fucking awesome I am.  Right there on the Jesus check.

That’s when I realized that I do NOT live a double life.  I am who I am, and that will always be who I am.  I talk and act the same way in front of my husband and friends as I do in front of my parents.  People in my professional life might get offended by how I act in my personal life.  People in my personal life might feel overwhelmed by what I do in my professional life.  People in both of my “lives” will no doubt judge me and find flaws.

You know what, though? 

Players are gonna play.  Haters are gonna hate. 

This player’s gonna play.


  1. Nicely said :) people need to love ALL of sides you have! Cause they end up making an epic person

    kme :)

  2. I love this blog. I was not born to be one of those quiet, sweet, overly lady-like women. I have tried to change myself to make myself more acceptable to how people think I should be, but I end up just screwin that up big time. Jesus loves me no matter what. I'd rather be a true sinner, than a fake saint.