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my personal rules to live by.

Haven’t blogged in foreva!  Thanks to a friend, Mrs. C.S., I have dug my blogspot out of its cyber hole and decided to update.  I will strive to do this regularly from this point out.

To start anew, I thought I would share with my readers MY PERSONAL rules to live by.  Please note that this post does not read “Should Be YOUR Personal Rules...”  These are mine, but feel free to borrow.
  1. School rules.  Education is one investment that you will always get a return on.
  2. Get a fucking job.  Unless you have a kid at home that is not school-aged, get your lazy ass off the damn couch and get a J-O-B.  “Housewife” is no longer an occupation.  “Stay-at-Home-Mom” only works if you ARE a stay at home mom to a child under five.
  3. Never give it up until he goes down.  He should also kiss you while touching your face and tell you that you are beautiful.  All three requirements must be met before he dips his stick into the honey.
  4. Don’t mix money.  There are and will always be two types of money: Yours and His.  I don’t care if you have a joint checking account and everything you have is in each others’ names.  There will never be “our” money.  You might say it, but you KNOW you don’t feel it.  If you don’t have any money, see #2.
  5. Become fluent in a second language.  Notice I wrote, “fluent.”  Knowing one sentence in a different language doesn’t count, ‘tard.
  6. Know the foundations of your political party.  Don’t just say you are Democrat or Republican, Liberal or Conservative, Left or Right.  Unless you know what those terms stand for your “party” can go fuck itself... because you are doing it to them already.
    • Read the Constitution.  Know what it is and understand it.
    • Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.  This goes politically and socially.  Watch, listen, and learn.  I am sure that C and I kept Air America in business an extra year by upping their ratings from 0 to 2.
  7. Read the book instead of watching the movie.  Use your (no doubt) government funded education and put it to good use by READING something.  If you don’t know how to read blame your liberal mommy and daddy for not sending you to a school that could teach you how.  Seriously, turn off the television and open up your mind.
  8. Find God.  “There are no atheists in a foxhole.”  Seriously, how many times has your unbelieving self said, “Oh, Jesus!” when you are in pain or “Oh, God!” when you feel intense pleasure?  Coincidence?  I think not.
  9. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.  Seriously.  Don’t hate on me cause I live large, and I won’t hate on you cause you don’t.
  10. “Release the dogs, muthafuckas!”  One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors.  I read this as “don’t go down without a fight.” I will fight.  I’ll pull a bitch’s weave straight out her head. 
  11. Practice safe sex.  You’d think this is a no-brainer.  C and I were watching the history of the condom one night (after about three years of marriage and zero condoms).  At one point we both looked at each other and one us remarked that condoms seemed useful.  Then the other replied, “Yeah, I guess they are.”  So fucking lucky.  We are so. fucking. lucky.
    • Take a serious look at your IQ before reproducing.  We have entirely too many dumbasses and absolutely no Social Darwinism thanks to all the libtards.
    • If you’re broke, jimmy up.  My tax dollars are raising enough welfare babies. 
  12. Drugs not Hugs.  Give me a valium over a therapy session any day.
  13. “No boom boom soul brotha.  Too beaucoup.”  Yeah, I’m skerred. I can’t lie.  I’ve seen flicks.  Too beaucoup.
  14. Go big or go home.  Hate your life, your significant other, your job?  Quit.  Just fucking quit.  Fuck it.  Fuck them.  If you don’t feel the passion, it isn’t meant to be.  Find the passion, feel the drive.
  15. Make a hole, bitches!  I’m leaving this life with a beer in one hand, a piece of chocolate in the other, my book deals making serious bank, and my resume being pursued by every international organization on the Forbes Top 100.  Beat dat.




Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

I am Number Four by Pittacus Lore

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