poor random objects

I have been sitting here thinking about random objects my family has owned.  In the seven years that C and I have been together, many of our personal possessions have suffered.  Between us, the kids, and the dogs ... well, it’s a list worth blogging about:

1. The hot tub has endured numerous nights of drunken, naked, crazy people.
2. The side of house got screwed on.
3. Our old XTerra got colored with red, blue, and green markers.
4. A running car got keys locked inside while a slutty stripper tried to jimmy the lock.
5. A vibrator was left in a hotel.
6. The keys of C’s old laptop were ripped off.
7. A big screen TV was cracked by a Wii remote.
8. The love seat was chewed up.
9. The shower got covered in soaked toilet paper balls.
10. The washing machine got pissed in.
11. The house got burned down.
12. Our bed got pissed on.  And puked on.
13. The old carpet was pissed on, shit on, puked on, chewed up, burned, and ripped out.
14. Shower curtains got ripped down.
15. Bicycles have been stolen.
16. Fridges got ransacked by a naked C.
17. The stairs got slept on by the fat (and, at the time, naked) piano player from Crocodile Rocks.
18. The roof of the RV caved in, while C was standing on top of it.
19. The walls of the house got covered with marker, crayon, and pencil markings.
20. The lawn mower seat got chewed off.

That’s all I can think of for now.  Needless to say, there is plenty more than can be added to this list, so watch out for a part two!

-V.